At my workplace there is a break room, in this break room there is a field of old ladies prattling on about Dancing With The Stars and Grey's Anatomy. This is the main reason that I do not often eat lunch. In this break room is also an area where one can microwave a covered dish and if one were to make it through the mine field of 40-50 somethings prattling on about which fictional doctor is punching what fictional lawyers kitty then you are rewarded with the most depressing kitchen in the world and a poster on the wall that sports a charming picture of a stethoscope on a backdrop of what appears to be a slice of unleavened bread that sports the slogan, "Safety: always a wise diagnosis".
And hey, I love safety, you ask anyone and they'll say that I am one motherfucker who, given the choice between assessing dangers in the workplace or surfing, will pick the baby-proofing 90% of the time. But one quick look around the kitchen quickly reveals that the sharpest thing on the premises is a coffee mug; hardly a feast for a hungry safety watchdog such as myself.
So why not put the damn poster in the loading dock? Is it more likely that someone will be accosted by their croissant in the lunchroom than it is that a 300 pound supply cart will fall onto ones pelvis?
The main point of course is that safety is not a diagnosis. Well, maybe if you were wondering why you jumped into the pillow field instead of the acid knife house, then I guess the diagnosis would be safety. But how often do you really make that choice? Webster's Dictionary defines a diagnosis as:
1 a : the art or act of identifying a disease from its signs and symptoms b : the decision reached by diagnosis
2 : a concise technical description of a taxon
3 a : investigation or analysis of the cause or nature of a condition, situation, or problem b : a statement or conclusion from such an analysis
THAT FITS PERFECTLY! where's the guy that came up with this, I'm giving him the science award for math and like latin or stuff because if ever there was a man who could put 2 and 2 together it would be this guy. Though granted he would come up with a Star Trek character for his answer, and me and both my fists agree that Star trek is rarely the solution to math problems.
If anything they could have said, Safety: the best preventative medicine. That's a retarded slogan I could get behind.
Here are some phrases that are better than everyone at Poster Co.
Safety: it's better than being raped on the subway.
Safety:
whaddaya think yer tough or something?
Safety: that's right, just plain old safety, it doesn't need to be fancy, just don't cut yourself or junk. Alright chief, we got a deal?
There, and it probably took all of 2 hours for Poster Co. to write up theirs.
In closing I'd like to say, come on Poster Co., you guys are doing poorly even on my rating system, and that's counting the fact that I just made you up as a clever literary device. Well, a literary device anyway.