With Congratulations To Bob Rock

Whilst watching the Juno's (sorry) and wondering why in god's name someone picked that reanimated, though still sexy, corpse Nelly Furtado to host, I decided that it was because most of the known world is controlled by one man's, or many men's erections. And Nelly, though vacuous and less than eloquent, is still about a 6:5 on the Richter Scale of boner inducement. Pondering this further I have decided that most things that happen in our world are due to the boners of men.
Women in a position of power, though super hot to those who enjoy being pooped on and/or tied up, are for the most part, a major wood chopper. Gay marriage, arguably very damaging to a man's erection since it brings to mind many images that most men cringe at is largely held back because of the damage it does to old men's already fragile erections.
Nuclear proliferation, that's right, the nuclear proliferation. Let's face it, women would cease being hot if their skin was sloughing off or they were growing extra vagina's or something, for most men, one vagina is too much to handle. Not this one though, just ask the 2000 Olympic Spanish synchronized swimming team, you almost made it girls. And then there's the straight up buzzkill of nuclear winter, think about it, a Sports Illustrated Snowsuit edition? That doesn't work at all.
So I say thanks to all those boners out there that are in a position of power, thanks to you maintaining yours our children's children will grow old enough to be sexually confused by almost everything the world throws at them.